I’ve had it. I’m done justifying myself. I never want to answer any more questions about why I am STILL single. Why, am I going around asking people why they got married and have kids at “an early age”? No. Why is it that I am a suspicious subject for some people only because I am in my mid-thirties and not married?

This is crazy. And it seems it is getting worse with every year that I add to my being 30+. And having the occasional boyfriend doesn’t seem to count. Especially if they don’t last long enough, say over a year or so, for all of my family and friends to get used to them. Any family reunion, party at a friend’s house or vacation I’m planning where I’m not bringing a significant other just increases the suspicion, shoulder shrugging and pitiful glances.

I don’t want pity. I feel perfectly normal. I’m doing great. I’m not desperate or anything. Some of my friends even ask me questions like,

“So why is a good-looking, intelligent woman like you still single?”

Well, what overwhelming, revealing answer are they expecting?

“Oh, you know, deep inside I really hate men”? Or,

“I’ve really tried, but I’m such a bitch, nobody can stand to be with me for more than a week”? Or,

“I don’t have time for a relationship, I just love my job,” which, if you happen to have more than an entry-level job, they will have suspected anyway?

Yeah, I know, when we were tiny tots, we may have encountered a “wizened old spinster” in a fairy tale. But that image doesn’t really apply, does it? And yes, there are people who are deliberately single, who have decided they do not want to live in a relationship and who are happy with that. But I don’t fall into any of those categories. I am just single, because I haven’t found the “right one” yet. And, hey, I’m not waiting for Prince Charming (although some of my friends think I am), I just haven’t found the man I really want to be with, yet. Focus is on “yet”. Because I am quite confident that I will, one day, when I least expect it.

So I answer those questions with an honest,

“Oh, I just haven’t found the right one yet,”

and here we go.

This can either start a lengthy discussion of character and qualities of my past three dates or boyfriends, why they might have been potential candidates, if you put aside the fact that you didn’t have anything left to talk about after a month or their drinking problem, or why they were the wrong choices in the first place, which then would also cover the fact that you didn’t have anything left to talk about after a month or their drinking problem. I mean I am not with any of those people any more for a reason, so let’s just not go back there.

Or, this can lead to an exhausting rendition of amicable advice, where your friends are trying to help you out of your “misery”.

“You should go out more,” say the friends who haven’t been out in a year.

“You should get a dog. Dog owners always meet new people,” say the friends who know very well that the poor dog would be home alone for at least 10 hours a day, peeing my carpet and eating my shoes.

“You should go to the gym,” say the friends who should know that I do go to the gym and that the boyfriend potential at my gym tends to zero, unless you’re into testoterone-laden muscle talk, which, in my case, would lead to the above mentioned not having anything left to talk about, it would only occur earlier, after a day.

“You should start playing golf,” say the friends who think they are real profilers, tackling the target group of better-off, not so young men with style.

And I am usually way too polite and pretend to actually consider each advice, as if I had just heard it for the first time. And then I ask my friends how they met their husbands/wives or long-term boyfriends/girlfriends again. And then it’s usually some coincidence like,

“Oh, we met in elementary school.” Or,
“We used to work together.” Or,
“Oh, I literally ran into him at the store, with my cart.”

Situations that just happened and that you cannot copy–not that I would want to, anyway. So I usually find something more interesting to talk about–my current phase of healthy diet, my latest shoe shopping attack, a good book I’m reading–anything, really, that does not include my being a poor single thing.

And I made a vow–I would write about it. Instead of just being mad or angry or stunned, I would start a blog and write about the things I encounter as a temporarily single woman in her mid-thirties.

So here it is, my first blog entry. This won’t just be about being single or dating and relationships, but about anything on my mind that I want to share with a good friend. I do have two best friends, and I do talk a lot with them, but not everybody does, so I’m willing to share with you, too. Feel free to share your own experiences and thoughts. Hope this will be fun!

See ya,
Maya

[Picture: © Petr Kratochvil, publicdomainpictures.net]